


Deepest Fear Revealed: one-shot version

by Potterworm



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Child Abuse, Dursleys, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 08:05:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8136625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Potterworm/pseuds/Potterworm
Summary: After Harry's boggart appears as his Uncle Vernon, Professor Lupin takes him for a chat with Headmaster Dumbledore, and then everything changes. Complete.





	

1.

Harry sits in front of Dumbledore, trying to make his body as small as possible. It's not that he thinks the Headmaster is going to yell at him, but there is such disappointment staring at him that Harry wishes, for a moment, he was dead.

"Headmaster," Professor Lupin is saying from the corner of the room, "something must be done!"

Dumbledore holds a hand up, and Lupin falls silent. "Remus, please leave Harry and me alone for a minute."

Lupin moves one step towards the door, and a groan releases from the back of Harry's throat. He's not even aware, at first, that he's the one who made the sound, until Dumbledore and Lupin look towards him.

Harry knows that Lupin is the one ruining his life right now, but – still – the man had promised not to leave him. Something in Harry's expression causes a resolve in Lupin's. "Headmaster, I promised Harry I'd stay with him." He moves towards Harry's chair, and his presence bolsters Harry somehow.

Harry's eyes widen at the blatant disregard for Dumbledore's request, but the Headmaster – oddly enough – looks pleased.

"Alright, my boys. Harry, I have heard Professor Lupin's side. Let us now hear yours. Would you please describe today's Defense Against the Dark Arts class to me?"

Dumbledore's question is not worded unkindly, and yet Harry bristles all the same. "Professor Lupin just explained what happened with the boggart." If he has to explain his day, he thinks he may vomit.

"Ah, yes," Dumbledore said. "Yet, I find it sometimes helps to have two perspectives to an issue. Please," he says, and he waves a hand.

He's not cast a spell, and yet Harry finds himself opening his mouth to speak. He stares at his trainers the entire time.

2.

Harry had known from the moment he walked into DADA class that it was going to be a bad day. He had woken up from a nightmare around four in the morning and not been able to fall back to sleep. (Of course, with the Silencing Charms he had mastered early in his Hogwarts career, his roommates were unaware.) Then, Hermione had mother-henned him throughout breakfast, looking concerned at his lack of appetite.

He adored his friends; he would die for his friends, but sometimes he just wanted them to leave him alone.

Then, a practical lesson. When Lupin explained what a boggart was, Harry knew it was going to be a very, very bad day.

Upon hearing the explanation, he immediately started to cough, hoping for a chance to excuse himself for the restroom. "Professor," he said, indicating towards the door. Instead, Lupin waved his wand, and a glass of water appeared in front of Harry. Attempting to look sheepish, Harry took a sip and murmured his thanks.

Harry couldn't breathe as his classmates fought the boggart. He felt sweat forming on his upper lip, his breaths coming out quickly like he just had run the length of the Quidditch pitch, and his heart thumping loudly in his chest. Harry would think he was dying, but he had panicked like this before, so it was oddly comforting in its familiarity.

Finally, it was his turn, and he closed his eyes, hoping – strangely – for Voldemort to appear in the classroom. When he opened his eyes, he might as well have been back at Privet Drive. Harry's face went pale white, and his heart which had been beating loudly before became a freight engine in his chest.

He tried to speak, but his mouth was dry, and he choked on the word, "Uncle."

3.

Harry pauses in telling his story. His heart is beating so quickly now that he's somewhat concerned he may be having a heart attack. Lupin's face tightens, and he puts an arm on Harry's shoulder in an attempt to be reassuring. Instead, Harry flinches so hard he shakes the chair.

He opens his mouth to speak again, but he finds he cannot and instead just shrugs helplessly.

Harry has known for the past two years or so that Dumbledore must know what's been going on. His Hogwarts letter was addressed to a cupboard, after all. Clearly, he is wasting Dumbledore's time right now. Clearly, he is bothering him. Cleary – clearly Harry is not worth anyone's time.

"Harry, please continue," Dumbledore says.

Harry shakes his head, numbly.

"Merlin, Dumbledore, hasn't he said enough?" Lupin barks, and Harry almost doesn't notice the lack of an honorific. Still, he starts when he does.

Harry stares down at his trainers and tries to ignore the conversation around him – tries to picture himself on the Quidditch pitch or at the Burrow. Still, Dumbledore says, "If it was enough, Remus, do you truly think I would make Mr. Potter continue to speak? I need evidence."

Evidence. Harry realizes suddenly that this talk isn't about removing him from the Dursley's home. It is about a trial.

"I'm going to be sick," he says. A silver bowl appears in front of him, and he is suddenly violently ill.

4.

After the Vernon boggart appeared in the classroom, there was still the general pandemonium of a practical lesson. No one, no one except the Weasley's, knew his relatives. Harry couldn't bear to turn his head and see Ron's expression.

Then: "You freak," Vernon said. His voice was low and dangerous.

A hush fell over the room, as something was suddenly more interesting than their own fears.

Harry knew it would make more sense to be afraid of dangerous Vernon, of belt off and swinging in the air Vernon. Still, quiet Vernon had always struck more fear in Harry's heart. A quiet Vernon was unpredictable.

"You waste of space. You dare take food from my son's mouth. You dare, after we took you in, after your drunken, pathetic parents got themselves killed. You bastard," boggart Vernon said, stalking slowly towards Harry.

Harry, who had been frozen before, stumbled backwards. He felt himself walk into a classmate, but he didn't turn to see who it was. The person moved out of the way.

At the reference to his parents – still widely regarded as war heroes – he could feel the tension in the air. His classmates seemed, almost, offended.

"Rid- Riddikulus," Harry stammered and flicked his wand.

"You should have died with your parents. The world would have been better without you," Vernon said. He was within feet of Harry now, and Harry waved his wand again. Nothing happened.

Harry took a step backwards again. Boggart Vernon raised a hand, and suddenly there was a cane in it.

Harry moaned. Not the cane. It was so much worse than the belt or a fist.

"Riddikulus!" Harry said. He could face Voldemort. He could kill a basilisk. His uncle would not destroy him in front of his classmates. Harry took another step back and felt a presence behind him that he would recognize anywhere. Ron. Hermione.

"RIDDIKULUS!" he yelled, and boggart Vernon disappeared with a crack.

Harry refused to turn around and see his classmates' expressions. He heard Professor Lupin pause, then say, shaken, "Alright, everyone. Return to your seats."

Harry stumbled to his seat, ignoring Ron and Hermione's expressions and questioning, concerned looks. Lupin assigned some homework, then stopping in front of Harry's desk, he said, "I'll see you after class."

It was a very bad day.

5.

"Evidence of what?" Harry asks when he is cleaned up and his humiliation at throwing up has begun to fade.

Professor Dumbledore looks him like a sad, lost little boy and says simply, "My boy."

"I don't know what you think you know, but you don't know! You don't know anything!" Harry says. He is nearly screaming. Harry is suddenly mad, madder than he ever remembers being. So Dumbledore was going to make this public? Dumbledore who knew it was happening, who now suddenly wants to do something; now he cares?!

"Harry," Lupin warns, his voice low and warning, but not unkind. "You can't go back there."

"Yes, I can!" Harry retorts, realizing he was suddenly fighting to go back to his deepest fear.

"Harry," Lupin says, walking around to face him. "No one's deepest fear should be their relative. It's a horrifying fact that this has happened to you, but having the power to stop it, I simply won't allow you to return."

Harry whips his head around to Dumbledore – Dumbledore who had never stopped it – but the man doesn't say a word. "Everyone's afraid of their families! They don't want to get in trouble. Ron was scared of his mom when he and his brothers stole the car."

Lupin opens his mouth, but Dumbledore interjects, "And yet, I do not believe Mr. Weasley's greatest fear in the entirety of this world is his mother."

"Well maybe the Dursley's are just stricter," Harry says. If the Durlsey's found out he had told, he would die!

"How are they stricter?" Lupin asks then. "What are your punishments?"

"They're normal punishments!" Harry says, and the words are tumbling out now; he can hardly help it. "Mowing the lawn, painting the house, weeding the garden, no food! Normal!"

"For how long, Harry?" Lupin asks.

"What?" Harry asks.

"For how long would you be starved?" Lupin asks gently, and yet there is rage in his eyes.

"I wasn't – I wasn't starved. It was just a day or two. A week tops! A … week." Harry says, and even as he says the words, he knows his argument is falling apart.

To his horror, he feels a wobble in his voice, and a burning in his eyes and the back of his throat. He leans back in the chair a bit too harshly and releases a hiss as his injuries hit the upholstery.

"Mr. Potter," Dumbledore says after a long pause, "I owe you a great apology. It is clear, to me, that your relatives severely neglected you. It may take time for us to get to the bottom of all that has happened to you." Harry feels the ghost of a cane on his back and the tightening of the broken bones in his hand. "However, I do not believe that we need to get to the bottom of it all at this moment. I have enough for now. Let us summon Madame Pomfrey."

Lupin starts and says, "Harry, are you injured now?" Harry can understand the horrified quality to Lupin's tone. It is nearly the second week of school; injuries shouldn't still be there.

Harry nods, numbly, as Dumbledore throws some Floo Powder in his fireplace and sticks his head in. A moment later, he has taken his head out, and a minute after that, Madame Pomfrey has stepped through.

"Headmaster, you should have summoned me immediately. Mr. Potter, let's get to the infirmary now." She puts a hand on his shoulder, and he manages, he thinks, to hide his flinch.

Within ten minutes, he is being handed a Dreamless Sleep potion and falling asleep in the hospital wing.

6.

"Ronald, quiet!" Hermione says. "You'll wake him."

Harry slowly blinks awake. His voice feels oddly scratchy as he requests, "Glasses."

Suddenly, the world comes into focus. He sees Ron and Hermione, looking concerned. "Hi," he says.

Hermione bursts into tears. "Oh Harry! This is all my fault. I should have known."

Ron looks terrified at her tears, and yet oddly close to them himself. "Harry – mate – are you okay?"

Harry looks at Hermione crying, looks at Ron near tears, and he slowly shakes his head. "I – I don't think I have been for a while."

And slowly, in the Hospital Wing, he tells them everything he can bear to speak. He tells them about discovering Glamour charms his first week at Hogwarts, about wearing muggle concealer before then, about the nightmares, and the belt, and the cane, and the threats. He tells them about the shame, and the fear that Dumbledore knew all along, and then – finally – he tells them his fear now.

"What's going to happen to me now? Where am I going to go?"

7.

A few hours later, Dumbledore comes to visit him. He speaks solemnly about Ministry restrictions on adoptions, about the need to bring the Dursley's to justice, about the need to know how deeply the abuse had run, about his regrets that this had happened to Harry.

"So – you didn't know, sir?" Harry asks, feeling like a fool, but suddenly needing to know for sure.

Dumbledore's nostrils flare, as he says, "I am horrified at the thought that you believe I would allow a student to be abused."

Harry closes his eyes at the word abuse, but then says, "But the cupboard."

And that is how Harry learns about self-addressing quills, but more importantly, it is how the Headmaster learns that Harry was made to sleep in a cupboard for ten years.

8.

Later, there are conversations – some with Lupin, some with Dumbledore, and some with both. Later, Madame Pomfrey will tell them about the cane and the repeatedly broken arm, and the permanent damage to his left hand's nerves.

Later, Harry sits in Lupin's office, staring again at his own trainers. "So where am I going to go this summer?" he asks. He wants it to be Lupin who takes him in. Lupin who took him to the Headmaster and put an end to the abuse, Lupin who has been having weekly meetings with him since the abuse was discovered so they could talk, Lupin who cares.

"I believe the Weasley's are going to take you in, Harry," he says.

Harry knows he should be happy to be living with his best friend, but he feels like he's been punched in the stomach. "Could… could you take me in?" He feels dumb the second he's asked. Why would Lupin want to take him in?

He knows he was stupid to ask when Lupin says, "Harry, I'm not able to adopt children. I have a medical condition which requires me to be hospitalized frequently."

Harry thinks, for a moment, that Lupin is lying, but then he remembers the frequent substitutes in DADA. Now, he's convinced again that someone he loves will die. "Are you okay?" he stammers.

"Yes, of course, Harry." Lupin explains it is an illness from his childhood, and he's become accustomed to it, but he would still appreciate it if Harry did not tell anyone.

"I would take you in if I could, Harry. Please know that."

Harry – strangely enough – actually believes him. For the rest of the semester, he has tea in Lupin's office once a week.

9.

"He's a werewolf, Harry!" Hermione screams, pointing at Lupin with a shaking hand.

Harry feels the familiar sensation of the world falling out from under him. "A – werewolf," he says, pausing and tasting how the word feels on his tongue. "A werewolf! You told me you had a childhood sickness!"

Lupin has the decency to look abashed, but there are more important things to discuss in the moment than why Lupin hadn't told Harry. Then, there is Pettigrew and Snape. Then, leaving the tunnel and approaching the moonlight, Sirius says to Harry, "I don't know if anyone's told you, but I'm your godfather. Would you want to leave you aunt's and uncle's and live with me?"

Harry can't help it; he laughs. When Sirius shoots him a questioning look, Harry doesn't explain. Instead, feeling a sinking pit in his stomach at not being able to have Lupin adopt him – and knowing why now – he says, sure. He can't meet Sirius's eyes though; there are too many demons he does not know how to explain.

Instead, he looks over at Lupin with a longing in his eyes. He can't believe Lupin didn't tell him he's a werewolf. A – a – "Sirius, the full moon!" Harry blurts.

Sirius looks at Lupin, whose back has suddenly arched, and immediately says, "Run!" He transforms into a dog then, and forces Lupin out of the tunnel and into the forest. Before they leave, Sirius forces Scabbers into Harry's hand and says, "Don't let go."

By the time Snape awakens, they are back in the tunnel, hiding, and Hermione and Ron are explaining to Snape why they can't go outside, and that "Peter Pettigrew was here; I SWEAR, Professor." Harry indicates to the rat in his hand, squirming madly and biting at him. But Hermione had cast a spell, sticking the rat in place.

Snape looks entirely overwhelmed, but not as though he wishes to risk taking on a werewolf. He murmurs something that sounds like the Patronus charm, whispers something to the creature, and a doe gallops out of the tunnel and towards the castle.

Dumbledore arrives within minutes and listens, calmly, to Hermione's babbling explanation. He hands Snape a medallion and says, "I will see you in my office within the hour." Then, Dumbledore takes the rat from Harry and hurries from the tunnel.

"Place your hands on the medallion," Snape says. Harry protests, but Ron elbows him. A few seconds pass, then Harry feels himself being sucked through the air.

He finds himself lying on the floor of the Headmaster's office. "What was that?" he asks.

The familiar tone of Hermione reciting knowledge from a book secures him in the moment. "A portkey," she finishes. "Amazing."

10.

Later, much later than the hour Dumbledore had promised, Dumbledore sweeps into his office with Sirius Black trailing behind him.

By this point, Hermione is half-asleep in a chair, Snape is staring out the window with a hand gripping his wand harshly, and Harry is wondering if he is doomed to bad days for the rest of his life.

"Cleared," Sirius rasps. "No trial, again. Just cleared."

"What?" Hermione says.

Ron, more familiar with politics, says, "They're sweeping it under the rug."

Dumbledore explains it all to them then. What had truly happened in 1981, and explaining it to Minister Fudge, and the dementor's kiss that Peter would be facing, and the full pardon that would be announced tomorrow in the Prophet. Instead of subjecting Sirius to a full trial, Fudge would be the minster who had saved him; he would be the good guy who had pardoned him immediately upon seeing the proof in Pettigrew being alive.

"What does this mean then?" Harry asks.

11.

Harry unpacks his trunk slowly, looking around his new bedroom. He doesn't know where to even start. After the shopping spree that Sirius had insisted on last weekend – that even Remus hadn't been able to stop – his trunk now had more clothes than ever before.

He looked around the room slowly, at the Golden Snitch sheets and the Quidditch team posters. He put some robes in his bureau and his broomstick in the corner of the room.

"Harry, dinner!" Remus called from downstairs. Harry looks towards the doorway and then heads into the hallway. He passes Sirius's room and then Remus's.

It's been a long, long year, and it's going to get longer. There will be a trial, and therapy, and learning to adjust to a new family. But Harry is excited for what this summer with Remus and Sirius holds.


End file.
